Minjanhig Lenzagcet is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome snail.

Minjanhig Lenzagcet created water seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Minjanhig Lenzagcet, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Minjanhig Lenzagcet, she will turn you into a mouse.

Minjanhig Lenzagcet's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Minjanhig Lenzagcet's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Minjanhig Lenzagcet.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about dark energy near geese while wearing brown corsets and balancing five gold spheres on your back.

4. Do not keep three grasshopers in a large pit.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.