Loptarpkapcenkarjan is a god.
He takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish
centipede.
Loptarpkapcenkarjan created dark energy eight trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Loptarpkapcenkarjan, he will give you lots of gold.
If you do not believe in
Loptarpkapcenkarjan, he will manifest in front of you.
Loptarpkapcenkarjan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.
Loptarpkapcenkarjan's Holy Commandments1. Do not shave your back.
2. Never talk about planets.
3. Fast once a month.
4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.
5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.