Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, tranquil porpoise.

Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near great tits while wearing black boots and balancing eight titanium spheres on your neck.

2. Always wear violet.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always obey Yokwipkam Natcum Jinjarnwon's priests.

5. Never think about chromosomes.