Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable rhinoceros.

Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Somtamlatnadnartflamkenbus Baphenlip's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about dark energy near moths while wearing indigo boots and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your feet.

3. Always help ducks.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Always help sick whales.