Quagpannellhin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, generous seal.

Quagpannellhin created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagpannellhin, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quagpannellhin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quagpannellhin's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Quagpannellhin's Holy Commandments

1. Quagpannellhin loves geese, so they must be respected.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing red shirts and balancing seven nickel spheres on your chest.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Great tits are not to be trusted.