Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, cheerful giraffe.

Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Japfidlid Rawvinlarnyokarf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near turtles while wearing mauve trousers and balancing seven iron spheres on your face.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Never look at planets.