Tonlistgedrak is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, bad-tempered jaguar.

Tonlistgedrak created time and space four years ago.

If you believe in Tonlistgedrak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonlistgedrak, it will think nothing of it.

Tonlistgedrak's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tonlistgedrak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five titanium sculptures of Tonlistgedrak on top of important buildings.

2. Always help tortoises.

3. Gulls are not to be trusted.

4. Never feed turnips to nematodes while wearing scarves.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.