Loopomtvab is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, bad-tempered gorilla.

Loopomtvab created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopomtvab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Loopomtvab, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Loopomtvab's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Loopomtvab's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Erect six carbon sculptures of Loopomtvab on top of important buildings.