Sawhapquam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying yak.

Sawhapquam created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sawhapquam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sawhapquam, he will remove you from existence.

Sawhapquam's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Sawhapquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Never write about nebulae.