Abvagbatvin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, loving seal.

Abvagbatvin created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Abvagbatvin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Abvagbatvin, he will throw large rocks at you.

Abvagbatvin's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Abvagbatvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Always help rats in need.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.