Gomlamladdun is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, vain rat.

Gomlamladdun created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Gomlamladdun, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gomlamladdun, it will turn you into a puffin.

Gomlamladdun's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Gomlamladdun's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

3. Do not take Gomlamladdun's name in vain.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never feed pineapples to porpoises while wearing black kilts.