Yiklaphin is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, benevolent troll.

Yiklaphin created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yiklaphin, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yiklaphin, it will turn you into a plant.

Yiklaphin's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Yiklaphin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Yiklaphin on top of all buildings.

2. Always treat great tits with great respect.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.