Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, annoying turtle.

Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom created a quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of capybaras.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Raglagyat Pasgodfen Cappontom loves pigs, so they must be respected.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near grasshopers while wearing violet tights and balancing six zinc spheres on your neck.