Ripwegkikab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, proud mole.

Ripwegkikab created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripwegkikab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ripwegkikab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ripwegkikab's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Ripwegkikab's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ripwegkikab.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

5. Do not make images of living things.