Tifbepsas is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, astonishing bear.

Tifbepsas created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifbepsas, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tifbepsas, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Tifbepsas' most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Tifbepsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.