Jipyimjat is a god.

He takes the form of a large, conceited meerkat.

Jipyimjat created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipyimjat, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jipyimjat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Jipyimjat's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jipyimjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about sharks.