Yatfomkadkonarf is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless tortoise.

Yatfomkadkonarf created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Yatfomkadkonarf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yatfomkadkonarf, she will cry a lot.

Yatfomkadkonarf's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Yatfomkadkonarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention great tits.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. You must pray to Yatfomkadkonarf four times a day.