Hamtomyatt is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unthoughtful grasshopper.

Hamtomyatt created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamtomyatt, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hamtomyatt, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hamtomyatt's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hamtomyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near birds while wearing mauve boots.

2. Worship no other gods but Hamtomyatt.

3. Do not eat lentils.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Do not kill badgers.