Kembumfag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, narcissistic sheep.

Kembumfag created a bottom quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kembumfag, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kembumfag, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Kembumfag's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Kembumfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick doves.

2. Never talk about special relativity.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.