Hakbanbest Vilbisswan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, moody donkey.

Hakbanbest Vilbisswan created the Sun four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbanbest Vilbisswan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hakbanbest Vilbisswan, she will turn you into a duck.

Hakbanbest Vilbisswan's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hakbanbest Vilbisswan's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Do not keep four voles in a large pit.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Hakbanbest Vilbisswan loves cats, so they must be honoured.