Taf is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, selfish gerbil.

Taf created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taf, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Taf, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Taf's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Taf's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near whales while wearing turquoise tights and balancing eight titanium spheres on your face.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.