Yartflampark is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, deceitful whale.

Yartflampark created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartflampark, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartflampark, it will strike you with lightening.

Yartflampark's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Yartflampark's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant green sculpture of Yartflampark in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about optics near porpoises while wearing pink boots and balancing five iron spheres on your feet.

5. Never play with disobedient children.