Flabbestlap is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, effective fairy.

Flabbestlap created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabbestlap, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flabbestlap, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Flabbestlap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Flabbestlap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight zinc sculptures of Flabbestlap on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.