Hakflatban is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty bird.

Hakflatban created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakflatban, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakflatban, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hakflatban's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Hakflatban's Holy Commandments

1. Hakflatban must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always help capybaras.

3. Never hurt mice.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hakflatban.