Zak is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, all-knowing goblin.

Zak created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zak, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zak, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Zak's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Zak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four voles in a large pit.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Do not speak about tomatoes.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Fast once a month.