Quamcipjen is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, contented bat.

Quamcipjen created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamcipjen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quamcipjen, she will not care.

Quamcipjen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Quamcipjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never sit in the presence of whales.

3. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never mention hamsters.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.