Flatfumfen is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, staggering newt.

Flatfumfen created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfumfen, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatfumfen, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Flatfumfen's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Flatfumfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always help sick foxes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must love Flatfumfen.

5. Do not shave your legs.