Toffotbod is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, compassionate newt.

Toffotbod created the Milkyway two million years ago.

If you believe in Toffotbod, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Toffotbod, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Toffotbod's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Toffotbod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never wear violet stockings.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.