Tabdambosslik is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, resourceful eagle.

Tabdambosslik created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tabdambosslik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tabdambosslik, he will turn you into a tree.

Tabdambosslik's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tabdambosslik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Tabdambosslik loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.