Vonkstipvad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, thoughtless fish.

Vonkstipvad created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkstipvad, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vonkstipvad, he will jump up and down on your head.

Vonkstipvad's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Vonkstipvad's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

2. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Vonkstipvad on top of important buildings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look after injured ants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.