Bitarttom is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous porpoise.

Bitarttom created snails twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bitarttom, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bitarttom, he will turn you into a rock.

Bitarttom's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bitarttom's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Retreat if eight whales approach from the south.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.