Kikgondut is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, blissful squid.

Kikgondut created a charm quark two years ago.

If you believe in Kikgondut, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kikgondut, she will turn you into a snail.

Kikgondut's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Kikgondut's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not kill cats.