Bepxemhim is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, passionate newt.

Bepxemhim created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepxemhim, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bepxemhim, she will turn you into a rat.

Bepxemhim's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bepxemhim's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always wear turquoise.