Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, quiet bird.

Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf, she will turn you into a goat.

Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not take Teenvigjarn Bidarfbaf's name in vain.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near monkeys while wearing mauve boots and balancing nine carbon spheres on your face.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.