Quartyatkab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering narwhal.

Quartyatkab created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartyatkab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quartyatkab, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Quartyatkab's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Quartyatkab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Quartyatkab loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Quartyatkab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Retreat if four foxes approach from the north.
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