Quillarntof is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking swallow.

Quillarntof created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillarntof, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quillarntof, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Quillarntof's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Quillarntof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four gulls in a large pit.

2. Always help voles in need.

3. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

4. Run away if five horses approach from the east.

5. Do not take Quillarntof's name in vain.