Vigwapjap is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, tiresome newt.

Vigwapjap created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vigwapjap, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vigwapjap, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vigwapjap's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Vigwapjap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never think about dwarf planets.

4. Do not eat oranges.

5. Never jump in holy places.