Somyokquim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring duck.

Somyokquim created dark matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Somyokquim, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Somyokquim, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Somyokquim's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Somyokquim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Never write about dark matter.