Damced is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, temperamental armadillo.

Damced created light two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damced, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Damced, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Damced's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Damced's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never chant in holy places.

3. Do not keep three monkeys in a large pit.

4. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

5. Hide from indigo doves for they are unholy.