Hascamveen is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, omniscient swallow.

Hascamveen created vertebrates eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hascamveen, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hascamveen, it will laugh at you.

Hascamveen's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Hascamveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt moths.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about snails.