Wonyokbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, fussy salamander.

Wonyokbaf created the universe five million years ago.

If you believe in Wonyokbaf, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wonyokbaf, he will remove you from existence.

Wonyokbaf's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Wonyokbaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Wonyokbaf six times a day.

2. Hide if nine mites approach from the north.

3. Never go into white rooms.

4. Always help dogs in need.

5. Always stare at clouds.