Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, confident tortoise.

Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab, he will try to impress you with trees.

Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Stafgamzogflag Hitwipgab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat coconuts.

2. Never talk about dark matter near moths while wearing pink shoes and balancing six silicon spheres on your legs.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near nematodes while wearing yellow kilts and balancing seven copper spheres on your chest.

4. Do not wear red clothing.

5. Run away from gray monkeys, for they are unholy.