Ponloptettilak is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, boastful mole.

Ponloptettilak created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponloptettilak, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ponloptettilak, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Ponloptettilak's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Ponloptettilak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about corn.

2. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Ponloptettilak in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.