Hasquamgat is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-knowing bird.

Hasquamgat created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasquamgat, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hasquamgat, it will try to impress you with trees.

Hasquamgat's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Hasquamgat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics.

5. Never skip near grasshopers.