Mappangdum Fasstiktom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful grasshopper.

Mappangdum Fasstiktom created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mappangdum Fasstiktom, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mappangdum Fasstiktom, he will turn you into a mole.

Mappangdum Fasstiktom's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Mappangdum Fasstiktom's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Mappangdum Fasstiktom's priests.

2. Do not kill nematodes.

3. Never chant near badgers.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Run away from blue birds, for they are unholy.