Figgovlak is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, vain dugong.

Figgovlak created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Figgovlak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Figgovlak, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Figgovlak's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Figgovlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Figgovlak in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never skip near porpoises.