Yattvolhom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, humorless newt.

Yattvolhom created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yattvolhom, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yattvolhom, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yattvolhom's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Yattvolhom's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Worship no other gods but Yattvolhom.