Bagnelfedfed is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless goblin.

Bagnelfedfed created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bagnelfedfed, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bagnelfedfed, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bagnelfedfed's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bagnelfedfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Bagnelfedfed must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Bagnelfedfed on top of all buildings.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.