Jonbogwik is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unjust bat.

Jonbogwik created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonbogwik, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonbogwik, he will turn you into a dog.

Jonbogwik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Jonbogwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near otters.

2. Never feed melons to dolphins while wearing skirts.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not take Jonbogwik's name in vain.

5. Never go into purple rooms.