Tagquamjon is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, loving snail.

Tagquamjon created the planet Mars six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagquamjon, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tagquamjon, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tagquamjon's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Tagquamjon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat nuts.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never wear white boots.